Why

It is the horrific middle of "major life upheaval 4(?)" and I need a new void to jettison my thoughts into. Somewhere they can't hurt others, not that I have many left to hurt, a silver lining perhaps??

The Mental Illness, that I am inseperable from, burns through those I love, theres not enough for a "circle" of friends, It's more like a friend caltrop. Unfortunatly for everyone I will ever meet, I want more.

I just have to do better this time right, Surely THIS time I will get a grip and keep it. I wish I had a good enough memory to recall a time I've broken a pattern but maybe my terrible memory is why I can't.

This is all opt in. Whatever you read is your own fault. Cognito hazard warning. I hope the rest of here won't be as bleak as this beginning, if I even stick with it. Maybe this will be left alone, an internet tombstone.

Anyway I'm sure I will contradict/cringe/regret everything I write, usually within days of writing it, I am not a consistant person. Oh god I spelt consistent wrong, this thing doesn't spell check for me does it ughhh.

This wallowing will end someday